Truly Grin, Snort and Bear It

Whatever you are doing at this very moment can be made better by a bit of laughter. Okay, probably not heart surgery, but you get the idea. So without further delay, it is time to laugh to these quotes, thoughts and ramblings.

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. - George Carlin

For the man who has everything... Penicillin. - F. Borquin

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell. - Garry Shandling

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a redhot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

Only two things are necessary to keep ones wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. - Lyndon B. Johnson

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. - John Kenneth Galbraith

Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything. - Paris Hilton

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation. - Rush Limbaugh

I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire? - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones. - Mike Barfield

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. - Demetri Martin

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

Football combines two of the worst things in American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings. - George Will

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Aazdak Alisimo likes a good laugh just like anyone else, particularly funny quotes updated each and every day at FunnyQuotesDaily.com.

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